Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
