next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My feet surprised me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
