Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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