Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
