I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
