I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
