just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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