I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
