we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I supernannyed him into submission
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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