i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
