Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
