My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
