Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
