so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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