I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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