I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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