Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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