I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Randomize
