My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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