It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
