when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
