Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
