He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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