I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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