Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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