do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
