some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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