who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
