Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Randomize
