You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why are your pants in the freezer?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
