If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
