Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
