i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
