I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
