Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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