I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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