You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
