I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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