i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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