She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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