i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
COCAINE IS GR8
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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