You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
