I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
