he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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