Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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