I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
