he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
