Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
