SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
