loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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