Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
